16 November 2005

Dear Guy in Romania who cleaned out my checking account:


I hope you're happy. I hope you're happy now. I hope you're happy how you've hurt your cause forever. I hope you think you're clever! Because you know what!? NOW I am not going to give anymore money to charities who might send it to Romania. You know WHY? Because I'll be able to tell them that I've already made a twelve hundred dollar, non-tax deductable donation to ROMANIANS!

You, Guy in Romania! I have to drive home after classes tomorrow, get a police report, go close my checking account and open a new one! All because of you! I have to get new checks! I JUST BOUGHT checks! They have Care Bears on them! And now I have to get new ones! Because of you!

The bank is going to replace my money, oh yes. But I have a paper due on Tuesday. You wouldn't know about that because instead of going to a nice college or something over there in Romania, you decided to be a thief! THIEF! And now I have to drive three hours there and three back again so that I won't miss my write-in on Friday and so that I can work on my research paper!

I hope you are doing some good stuff with my money that you got out of your Romanian ATM with your fake Romanian ATM card that you made out of mine! I hope you are feeding some poor homeless person on the streets of Bucharest! And moreover, I hope you are enjoying it!

And some day, when I am a grownup and have more money than you could ever steal out of my bank account, I am going to come to Romania! And I am going to find you! And you know what I am going to do? I am going to buy you dinner! Because you OBVIOUSLY are so very destitute that you need to steal my BORROWED money out of my bank account, so that I have to drive two hundred miles home on short notice when I have a paper due and AFTER I actually have a social life where I live! So I am going to buy you dinner so that you don't starve to death, and so that, in a final twist of poetic justice, you will get exactly what you want while I laugh at you over a glass of white wine.

And then, when you are done with your dinner, I am going to kick you in the shin.

Have a good day. Remember, we will always have Amazon.com.

Regards,

Ivy

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