In Which I Absolutely Lose What is Left of my Patience and Possibly my Frontal Lobe

(Insert various and sundry petitions to YHWH and His or Her Divine Offspring Here)

Who the hell let this ignoramus on the radio?

I've really just had it up to here. Here being somewhere in orbit. For twenty years I have been dealing, I feel fairly reasonably, with ignorant bullshit. But this is really the final insult. I know we live in an anti-intellectual society, and I don't have to have read Richard Hofstadter to know it, because I found out the first time someone called me a nerd in kindergarten for having the temerity to be literate. I couldn't help it. I wanted to know, and so from an early age I found out that I could be popular, or I could know. I chose the latter, believing my mother and father when they told me it would be different when I grew up.

Lies, Damn Lies!

While I foolishly absorbed how refineries work and internalised how to get from Corpus Christi to Pearsall because my parents treated my like a Person with a Brain, everyone else was busy learning how to learn as little as possible so they could be Just Like Everyone Else and perhaps get elected President of the United States someday and most importantly, be Popular.

Steven Schwartz hit it --

celebrated heads of state
and especially great communicators:
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular!

It is seriously a problem how accepted, nay, celebrated, it is to be incurious. That's why someone as awesomely dim as Sarah Palin is hailed as the Second Coming of McCain's campaign. "Why, she's just like me! She is folksy and likes G-d! I'm certainly going to vote for her, rather than that uppity Negro!"

So this Obama-flag thing. This radio guy really doesn't have any clue what the Ohio flag looks like? I don't claim to have all of the state flags memorised or anything but the Ohio flag is DIFFERENT LOOKING. It's not like he misidentified, say, the Oklahoma flag or something (I think Oklahoma is one of about six states whose flag just has the state seal on it). I mean, he never just looked up the state flag article in World Book and had a look? Really? Never? Or even ever saw the Ohio state flag at a Cleveland Indians game, or at a VFW hall, or in Washington, D. C.? and NO ONE on his STAFF had Either?

That just seems willfully ignorant to me. This is not some random dude off the street; he's a radio host. Also, if he's going to make it his job to comment on stuff, he should know what he's talking about. And you know what? Random dudes off the street should, even if they can't remember that it's Ohio's, at least be AWARE that there is a flag like that in existence because it STANDS OUT.

Furthermore, I am sick AND tired of people wanting our leaders to be "just like us." I want someone smarter, faster, and stronger to be my leader. I don't want someone who mispronounces simple English words and who is unable to to find a coherant sentence with two hands and a flashlight. I don't want someone who thinks with his or her gut. You know, I WANT a former college professor. I WANT someone smarter and more educated than me.

I also want that in my deity, which is a whole other post, but I have definitely noticed that there is a weird dichotomy in some people's thinking about how G-d is so "awesome" but at the same time they put these massive limitations on G-d -- and it is to do with this same principle.

My brain hurts.

Dear Guy at the other end of the "quiet room" at Wake the Dead:

You're an ass.

It should be self-evident to you why you are, at this time, an ass. "Should" being the operative term. You obviously aren't aware that you're an ass or why since you continue doing the thing that is the cause of your assery.

YOU ARE PLAYING YOUR MUSIC WITHOUT HEADPHONES.

I can hear it from the Other End of the Room. It is clashing with the music that is coming out of the speakers.

ASS.

Your lack of self-awareness is at once baffling, amusing and seriously obnoxious. You can't afford headphones? What is your problem? You know, you're probably the kind of guy who talks on the quiet floor of the library and doesn't get why everyone else is silently hating you and hoping your table phases through the floor.

Oh, look. My dashing fiancée is coming over to tell you to knock it off.

That's right. Your assholery has come to an end, and no amount of heinous looks will bring it back.

Victory in our time!

Christ on a Cracker?

"You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth." Leviticus 20:4 NRSV

The above is the second amendment (fine, commandment; I've thought it interesting that there are ten commandments and ten amendments in the Bill of Rights, and that perhaps gun rights activists should consider the juxtaposition of that which they cite) which according to the book of Exodus was spoken directly from G-d to one patriarch, Moses. It is an idea which is kept by all three Abrahamic faiths to one degree or another;* it is a tenet of Judaism, for example, that the name of G-d not appear in print, which is why one sees YHWH rather than the spelled out version, and also why one sees a hyphen in place of the 'o'. I have not been very good about that in the past, but I think it's a good point and will try to improve in the future. In Islam, one does not illustrate G-d or the Prophet, and I think not any of the patriarchs (this, btw, includes Jesus of Nazareth).

Anyway, so this commandment is not only in the top ten, it's number two. It's way above coveting your neighbour's ass. It therefore absolutely astounds me when I see the proliferation of Jesus and/or Mary, daughter of Anna (aka the Madre de Dios) on everything from culverts to sandwiches to freakin' CHEETOS.

The ones who really get me are the ones who sell the sandwich on eBay or something. "It meant so much to me; I cried when I saw it," et cetera. Really? I did not quite cry when Amber gave me my engagement ring, and I'm still somehow able to stop myself selling it on eBay, so what gives?

This all ties in, to me, with stuff like the Creation Museum. It's all meant to act as some kind of hackneyed proof of the existence and presence of G-d. Why? Really, why? Is it because having faith in something you can't see is so damned difficult? That's why the Israelites created the Golden Calf. Is it really that hard? Is it that hard to have faith?

Maybe it is. It is for me, sometimes.

So, if it's that hard to have faith in something unseen, then why not just own up to it? Why is it necessary to 'see' the image of Christ, Mary, or even the name of Al-lah (true and recent) in one's lunch? If it is so hard to have faith in the idea of an omniscient being creating the universe, then why believe it? Why try to prove it?

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the world of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible." Hebrews 11:1-3

I am really quite tired of hearing, usually from people who oppose basic human rights, that All They Need Is The Word Of G-d. And, oh look! We have extrabiblical proof of creationism AND Jesus appeared to me upon a Milk Dud. You are clearly going to Hell, homo. I have proof!

Why with the need for proof? When Thomas asked for proof that Jesus had resurrected His bad Self, Jesus made fun of him. In fact, Jesus really took it out of whomever ever asked him stupid questions like Is He the Son of G-d instead of paying attention to whatever He was saying.

I have a lot more to say about this subject, including why Christian rock concerts are irritating, why "Christian cuss words" need abolition, why things like Golgotha Fun Park make my blood boil with the passion of ten thousand fiery angry suns, but for now, I will leave with this: if it is a boost to one's faith to see the alleged image of Christ in snack food, one might consider reexamining the reasons for one's faith.


_____________
*and, by the way, is something which should be RESPECTED by non-believers, and yes, I am speaking to those jackasses who decided to make fun of terrorists by drawing cartoons of the Prophet, and to those jackasses who defended them who are the same jackasses who would absolutely bust an artery if something parodying Christ showed up in the paper. Mutual respect, bitches.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Austin

I had practice with my tournament softball team last night in Austin; we have a tournament in Dallas coming up. My car has remained up at Fort Parker since the speaking of the Deplorable Word by our landlord, so I was in the Ambermobile.

Around Buda, I saw flashy lights behind me so I moved into the right lane to let the cop go by. Except that he moved over behind me. I had been maintaining a respectable seventy, so I was not stricken with panic or anything, and pulled over.

The cop (Hays County Sheriff) comes up next to the window and peers down at me with his best cop glare. "Do you know why you were pulled over, young lady?"

I HATE being addressed as "young lady." Seriously.

"Not especially," I replied. I handed him my license and insurance. He glares at them, and then at me. I glared back, but he didn't know that because I was wearing my sunnies. The time was about twenty to seven and practice, at Kreig Field, was meant to be at seven. Sigh.

"Are you nervous? You look nervous. You looked at me like you are nervous. Where are you headed?"


"Austin." Duh. "I am not nervous in the least, but I would like to know why you've pulled me over."

"Don't get snippy with me, young lady." ("Young Lady" AGAIN!) "I'm going to need to do a search."

Oh, good Lord.

"Sir, you haven't even established probable cause for pulling me over, much less for searching the car, and I have somewhere to be, so, respectfully, I don't think so."

He continued to examine both my license and insurance, muttering something about my donor sticker, and then looked up, triumphant.

"This is not your car!"

ORLY!?

"No, it's not; it's my fiancée's." He peered down at me with coply disdain. I sighed. He went back to his car, and I sat for the interminable period which always follows the cops walking back to their car. I watched two cars change lanes without signaling and another pass the traffic at a relative speed considerably higher than what I, were I a cop, would consider acceptable. He returned, with a law-enforcement TV swagger.

"This car is registered to an Amber J-----. You said it was your fiancée's." I could hear the "Lies! Damn Lies!" in his inflection.

"Yes, I did. Amber J----- is my fiancée," I replied, somewhat incredulously. I mean, I was on the way to SOFTBALL practice, in Dyke(TM) shorts, and Melissa Etheridge, with impeccable timing, was on the radio. It's not like it was WHOLLY UNBELIEVABLE that my fiancée would be possessed of two ée's. It was ten minutes to seven.

He looked at me, and I looked at him. And he looked at me. "This is not your car."

"Sir, I never purported that it was."

"Who's car is this?"

My patience, already thin, was done.

"Well, you've run the plates and discovered that it belongs to Amber J-----. I do not dispute that fact."

"You said it was your fiancée's."

Um. Seriously. Do I have the wrong haircut or something?

"You can call her if you like," I offered.

He grumbled something under his breath and appeared to be ruminating on what he was going to do with me.

At three minutes to seven, after he had stood there thinking to himself and muttering at me, I decided that I was sick of this shit.

"Sir, you pulled me over twenty minutes ago, have yet to establish just WHY you have done so, have threatened me a search, have doubted my rightful possession of this vehicle, and after we both agreed as to the ownership of the vehicle you have continued harass me about it. I have somewhere to be. Now. I therefore respectfully suggest that you decide what you are going to do about me."

He bristled. "I am not sure you are in legal possession of this vehicle."

"Very well then, you ought to arrest me and impound the car, and let me call my fiancée, who is a GIRL, who will get a ride from someone else because I am IN HER CAR, come up here, and tell you that the Car Belongs To Her. At the moment, you are detaining me without probable cause and I've had time enough sitting here to memorise your badge number."

I forgot his badge number during practice.

With a few more mumbles, he told me to go on my way.

Seriously. How damn dense do you have to be? I'm annoyed that I forgot his badge number, but I remember what he looked like, having looked at him for half an hour. There may be a complaint in his future.

I've Got your Marriage Right Here.

My greatest fear is that Amber will leave me. Not voluntarily; I know her well enough and trust her and know she would never do that. That does not change the fact that something heinous could go down, healthwise. The only thing that I can think of that would make that worse is something like this.

Now, I managed to get away with fronting that I was James' sister when he missed his dismount, but that was luck; I did not expect them to believe me for a minute. I am not, in fact, sure that they did and maybe they decided it was ok since there weren't any medical decisions to be made (because, DUH, he was going to have surgery, like now), and further, if worse came to worse I would have bit the bullet and said fine, he's my husband, dammit, now talk to me.

(See what sacrifices I would make for you, O Keys.)

Last week, in the emergency room, the triage nurse did not bat an eye at the presence of either of them (James was along for comic relief). But stuff like the above linked just makes my entire insides go numb. What if, for example, I had been hit in the head and knocked out and there was an ambulance. How would Amber have been treated? Granted, we have not fully formalised ourselves.

However, years ago when my Aunt C and Uncle W were engaged, she, along with another aunt (N) who was not formalised were in a horrible wreck on the way to Kerrville for a bridal shower. We were mightily freaked out and my mom, my elder aunt, my grandmother, me and my sister hauled ass to get there. My mom's youngest brother (Ch), who at the time was the boyfriend of the latter wrecked aunt (N), had called us to tell us about it, and him his soon-to-be brother-in-law (W) were on the way up and we met them there.

The short of it is that since we were there my grandma could speak for C, her daughter, and I younger and don't remember much about the technicalities, but I do remember that Uncle Ch said that Aunt N was his wife.

No one asked for proof.

Now, were it me and Amber in that situation I would not be able to claim that at all.

My long-winded point is that there are those among us to say they love -me- and know that there is nothing wrong with -me- but that gays shouldn't be allowed to be married because of one or more of the following:

a) It is not God's plan
b) It's just wrong
c) Kids need a mother and a father (so, all widowed, divorced or otherwise single parents lose their kids?)
d) Gays are pedophiles
e) et cetera

To you, I now say this: YOU are WRONG.

Sarah in Chicago eloquently states why (specifically regarding the linked article):

To all the people that have qualms about us gaining marriage rights ... you are responsible here. Your bigotry contributes to this. There is no grey on this matter, no middle-road. Either you think gays and lesbians are equal to straights, or you don't.

You can't expect to merely 'disagree' on this matter and think we're going to somehow magically respect you for that. This is not a matter of merely agreeing to disagree on an issue; this is about you saying we don't deserve having full civil rights, and somehow we're supposed to respect that?

Emphasis mine. This is not a debate regarding the merits of radishes or whether or not MLB players get paid too much. This Is About People's Lives.

This is about -my- life. Think hard about how you would feel if the above happened to you. The situation is not different. If you cannot have the empathy to understand why this is important, then you may want to reconsider your definition of love. Denying someone the right to be with their loved one, whether your particular denomination thinks it is allowable or not, is not love. It is bigotry, and it is hate. So either reconcile with the fact that you are a bigot in this instance, or analyse your new information and change.

And know this: Wherever she goes, I will go. Wherever she lives, I will live. Where she dies, I will die, and there I will be buried. May God do this (death) and much worse to me if I let anything but death separate me from her.

And that damn well includes your bigoted laws.

But, it's not Welfare, so it's OK!

Ok, so when black people or Mexicans need a government bailout so they can eat or something, that's WELFARE, and that's BAD! BAD BAD! They need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps! They should not have made those mistakes!

But, when Wall Street banks need a government bailout, well, that's ok. Also, if you are an aspiring suburbanite who bought a house you can't afford, you can get a government bailout and that's ok too.

I suspect it has something to do with the fact that the latter class (Wall Street/pretentious dumbass) tends to be white. And Republican. Because for all the griping people do about their hard-earned money going to welfare: HEY! Two Hundred Million of your Hard Earned Dollars just went to some guys up in NYC who have more money right now than you will ever make in your entire life! We could have fed and clothed the poor population in the country for YEARS. YEARS!

Oh, right. They're black. Or wetba---- I mean Mexicans. And we don't like them, do they? They are LAZY! All of them! It's genetic.

Also, homosexuals are worse then Terrorists and are converting your two-year-olds.

War? What war? You mean the one we've been in for five years that we started? The one which has had 83974238 turning points? And on which we have spend more Hard Earned Dollars than I care to think about because my student loan interest is compounding by the nanosecond (also, we could have fed everyone in the country on steak for a few centuries)? Yes! That one!

Clearly caused by the homos.

From the Department of You have Got to be Kidding Me:

Tom %&$(@#* Cruise is making a new movie. Why do I care? Because the movie is Valkyrie, and %&$(@#* Cruise is meant to play Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, who is the guy who attempted to assassinate Hitler in the 20 July plot with a briefcase full of explosives.

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger: Historical blah blah blah ahead.

Hitler wasn't killed by the blast (obviously). There were two bombs; von Stauffenberg had previously lost his right and and all but three fingers of his left, so when he was attempting to arm them in the bathroom, with not a lot of time, he was only able to get the one armed. For reasons unknown to history, he did not put the second bomb in the briefcase, but handed it to his assistant instead. He went into the conference room and put his briefcase under the table, then left to "make a call." One of the guys still in the meeting room moved his briefcase down to the far end and behind the table leg because it was in the way and people kept kicking it. Thus, the blast was deflected.

However, a recent History Channel documentary which completely reconstructed the whole thing, what actually happened, and what could have happened, showed that if von Stauffenberg had put the second bomb in the briefcase anyway, Hitler would have been screwed. von Stauffenberg and his aide were executed the next day.

Anyway, Tom %&$(@#* Cruise? To play von Stauffenberg? Fortunately, the Germans have banned %&$(@#* Cruise from the country on account of he is a Scientologist. Now, on a humourous level, I think this is great and that more Scientologists should be banned from more places, especially when their name is Tom %&$(@#* Cruise. However, I'm not sure it's the best thing in the world to ban Scientologists from a country on a serious level, because even though I think they are full of shit, allegedly, they should still have the right to practice their religion. Except for the part where they tell Brooke Shields that she shouldn't take antidepressants.

Anyway, my hope is that the movie makers will continue with Valkyrie, and will pick someone who is not annoying to play von Stauffenberg.