16 December 2005

So it's not as bad as I thought.

After much crying, wailing, and gnashing of teeth, I have come to the conclusion that I am merely more emotionally mature than I was when I wrote that story at the beginning of this year. Yes, more emotionally mature even -after- the crying, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. I think that is just something I'm going to do forever in connection with anything I ever write.

Fortunately, my critic was very kind and didn't eviscerate me; in fact, she found the same stuff annoying that I do. Which shows either a) that great minds think alike, or that b) she's just as bad off as I am. I'm pulling for a).

I think I'm going to try to rework it. Especially since I read a blog entry by the father of one of my close friends which felt for all the world like it was directed at me, except that he doesn't know I'm gay. It essentially read, "You who are saying that you are living as a Christian, but making unChristian life choices are not following God's will and are questioning His will." I don't know to what, specifically, he was referring, but I'm sure choosing to not hate myself for being gay is on the list.

And -something- needs to be out there for people to see how it's not a choice between hetero and homo, but a choice between being happy with how you are and hating yourself. There aren't a whole lot of homosexual public figures that are in particularly stable situations or don't have some sort of eccentricity (Exceptions I can think of offhand are Melissa Etheridge and George Takei). Literature and film involving gays doesn't do a lot either (haven't seen Brokeback Mountain yet, so who knows?). I mean, The Hours was great and I loved it, but when my friend saw it tonight I had to explain to him how Meryl and Ed were lovers way back in the day before they both came to the conclusion that they were gay, but Meryl was still a little in love with Ed and so Allison was on the fringes for most of the movie, much to the annoyance of herself and Claire Danes.

I -LOVE- The Hours, but we still need a movie of lesbians who a) aren't nuts (Mulholland Drive), b) arguably bisexual, such as in The Hours, or c) in the military or something. I, of course, am not claiming that I could be the writer of such a work, but I reckon it's worth a shot.

Today I must stay up all the day, with possibly a two-hour nap. Being vaguely ill the other day and choosing to sleep in has thrown off my sleep patterns something fierce. I do not enjoy sleeping during the day except for in nap form. Sadly, it is too cold for my hammock and my couch is too short on which to sleep (THIS is changing as soon as I get my student loan in May. I love this couch thing, but it's a two-seater. I knew I should have gotten the longer one, even if it's a bit large for the living room), and I cannot nap on my bed because I will fall too hard asleep and not wake up.

Of course, now I am yawning my head off, so perhaps I'll take a nap for two hours right now and see how that goes.


Anonymous fool said...

yay for acceptance of your prior creation and most of all the resolve to continue shaping it until it is the beautiful baby you can love birthing today! sorry, i'm feeling metaphorical.

also, while i know (and often eschew because i'm that kind of person) the grammar rule that forbids ending a sentence with a preposition, i have to say that i frequently call upon this quote from winston churchill:

"This is the sort of English up with which I will not put."

hope you enjoyed your nap, and happy holidays etc. see you in jan at some AJWC meeting at least, i hope.


2:39 PM  

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